Fizzbin: The Alternative Christmas Card Game

Forget Operation, Charades, Poker, or even Skyrim on Xbox - all you need this Christmas is Fizzbin (stay with me, people). Invented by Captain James Tiberius Kirk in Star Trek - The Original Series, Episode 49: A Piece of the Action as a means of escape for him and his team (how very resourceful!)



"It's a game played on Beta Antares IV. It's a real game, a man's game. Of course, it's probably a little bit beyond you: It requires intelligence. The cards on Beta Antares are a little different, but not too different".

So here are the rules for the most complex card game you'll ever play, courtesy of Andy Joy:

Ideal number of players - 4

  • Six cards are dealt out to all players, except to the dealer and the player on his left, who get seven. The second cards of the dealer and the player on the left are turned face up
  • The player on the dealer's left gets the first turn, and then play proceeds counter-clockwise around the table. There is one discard pile for each player (placed in front of the player). To play, you may draw from any one of the four discard piles, or you may draw from the stack of remaining cards.
  • If the card you draw is a king or a two, you may draw again, unless it is night, in which case the rule applies for a queen or a four only.
  • If you draw a queen or a four during the day (or a king or a two at night), you must discard it to your pile.
  • After you have drawn your card(s) and you have discarded the queen or four or king or two (if necessary), you must discard another card to any one of the four piles.
  • If you drew from the stack, you may discard that card. If you drew from a discard pile, you must keep that card (though you can discard it on your next turn if you wish).
  • Play continues until the stack is exhausted. At that time, the cards of all players are revealed and compared by the following scale:Royal Fizzbin:The best hand. It consists of a king and a two (or a queen and a four at night), and any two pairs of aces, jacks, or sevens.Full Fizzbin:Second best. It is a king and a two (or a queen and a four at night), and any one pair of aces, jacks, or sevens.Three-Quarters Fizzbin:

    Next best. It is a three, five, six, eight, nine and ten, all red, except at night when they must be all black.

    Half Fizzbin:

    Lowest hand that can win. Consists of any pair of sevens, jacks or aces.


    The worst hand of all. It is three or four of a kind. Automatically loses, no matter what anybody else has.

After the hands are compared, the winner gets to be dealer and the loser has to exchange places with the person on the winner's left (winner doesn't have to move!) thus becoming the dealer's left player. If no winner or loser, players stay where they are. The cards are then reshuffled and dealt again.
Players are encouraged to add new rules to Fizzbin and create their own variations of the game. <--- I will when I get my head around these rules!

BAM, that's how you have a good time!

If all that is too much for your tiny brains to take on board, or perhaps card games aren't your bag, may I suggest the almighty (but shamefully underground take on a classic) Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock?

All you have to remember, courtesy of the brilliant Sheldon Cooper, is:


Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vapourizes rock, and as it always has - rock crushes scissors = HOURS of fun (and possible hand cramps)...